Happy Fun Time

Saturday, December 03, 2005

So, a man walks into a bar...

You won't believe it, but here's what happened during Bach's Bar night:
"Gozer the Traveler. He will come in one of the pre-chosen forms. During the rectification of the Vuldrini, the traveler came as a large and moving Torg! Then, during the third reconciliation of the last of the Meketrex supplicants, they chose a new form for him: that of a giant Slor! Many Shuvs and Zuuls knew what it was to be roasted in the depths of the Slor that day, I can tell you!"

That last paragraph had nothing to do with what happened with Bach at the bar. That's actually my favorite quote from one my favorite movies: Ghostbusters. In fact, I only put it in there because I didn't think there would be much to write about and I only wanted to fill up space so I can look like I actually wrote an article. Also, David's previous post had quotes and we all know quotes make articles look professional.

Seriously though. It was two and half hours that I could have spent beating Kirby Canvas Curse for the Nintendo DS (which is an excellent game by the way). Instead, we sat there for two and half hours waiting for Bach to do something. Something. Anything. I would have been satisfied with a simple "hello" directed in the general direction of the girls at the bar, but guess what? Nothing! He didn't do anything at all. In fact, he did not even drink much. I mean, seriously, he had two mixed drinks with about an hour between them. That's not really "drinking on a Friday night." That's not even "drinking on a Sunday night."

Of course, we expected this. We all knew Bach was not going to do anything. Yea, that's right. we knew it and we wasted two and half hours (that I could have spent beating Kirby Canvas Curse for the Nintendo DS!) to let Bach fulfill his perfect scenario. He wanted the hip club/bar and we gave it to him. The result? Nothing. Bach spent the entire night "walking the club" about four times and sitting there staring at us. Tammy and Eleana spent the entire night futiley trying to get him to do something. David, Tony, Brandon (friend of Eleana's) and I spent the night trying to make conversation by shouting at each other (interestingly, Tony has reached the part in World of Warcraft where he needs to start joining guilds to be able to beat most quests). That's it.

Here's the finale: why did we waste so much time? Part of it was to show Bach that going to a club/bar is not the best place to find the kind of girl he desires. Mostly? I would say it was mostly because of the fact that he blamed us for his social shortcomings. I believe we were most irked by the fact that he blamed his inability to find/meet girls on his friends. I'm not saying that we're the "coolest" or the "hippest" people out there. We're just a bunch of guys that like hanging out and relaxing. We're not the type of people that like going to "hip bars" to pick up on strange girls that may or may not be (but are most likely) superficial and shallow (hose beasts, as David so delicately puts it).

So, please, don't blame us for your inability to meet girls. We don't blame you for the birth of Hitler.

QED.

Friday, December 02, 2005

Bach's Big Night?

Tonight, Bach's best friends (that includes me) will be taking him out to Main St. in Huntington Beach tonight. He's been wanting this for a while now. He has this perception that going out to bars and clubs is the best way to pick up chicks. This reminds me of a bit by comedian Dane Cook:
My buddies one night were like, "Let's go out, man. Let's go get some chicks!"

I'm like, "Yeah...just like that? What about that whole middle ground where you're an idiot!"

I don't even have goals in mind. I'm just there for the spectacle. I'm giddy in anticipation. What will happen? What won't happen?

Tammy and Eleana should be with us tonight. These ladies are Bach's lifeguards and/or motivators.

Robert will give us a full update after tonight. This is Happy Fun Time, signing out.

Thursday, December 01, 2005

Speaking of movies...

I went to see Harry Potter opening weekend. Bought tickets early, had to fight for parking, blah blah. It was a good movie, and all, don't get me wrong, but I went through a lot of crap to see it that weekend because my friend wanted to.

Last weekend I went to go see the Johnny Cash movie. We sat in the theater for like 20 minutes waiting on the film to start, and finally the usher guy came out and was all, "Uh, yeah, the projector, like... yeah, kinda broke, and stuff. So you can't watch this. But like, Harry Potter's just starting in the next theater if you wanna go see that."

Oh, cruel fates.

(This is better than the LAST Harry Potter movie, which I attempted to see 3 times before succeeding... it was sold out once, then the projector broke [I have bad luck with those] halfway through the film, then my car got a flat on the way to the theater. At least I only paid once.)

The Gayest Movie Ever



I don't use gay in the pejorative sense. I never do. But this movie really is the gayest movie ever.

From Yahoo! Movies:
An epic love story, set against the sweeping landscapes of Wyoming and Texas, that tells the story of two young men--a ranch-hand and a rodeo cowboy--who meet in the summer of 1963 while driving cattle on a mountain range. They unexpectedly forge a lifelong connection, one whose complications, joys and tragedies provide a testament to the endurance and power of love.
I'm glad we, as a country, are at a point where this stuff can be out in the open for people to discuss. Yes, there have been other gay movies and gay TV shows, but this one is obviously the biggest. Big actors, big director, big promotion.

Even I admit I was uncomfortable when I saw the trailer for this. Jake Gyllenhall...Heath Ledger...making out. It's a lot like watching your parents making out. But hey, good for them. It's basically career suicide for these guys. Or it could be the best thing ever for them. We'll find out.

Wednesday, November 30, 2005

I don't know you! Give me back my purse!

Actual names have been changed to protect, y'know, the identity of all assholes involved.

Hi this is Bert. I am calling from Awesome Insurance Services. Can I speak with Yuri Ahole? Oh, I see. Ok, well then, Mr. Ahole, I am just returning your call about your car insurance? Ah, yes, I will see what I can do to get you a cheaper rate. Yes, I know you have been with us for a very long time. Yes, eight years is a long time. I know. OK. Yes, sir. Sure thing.

Ok, let's start off simple. What's your Zip Code? According to our policy you seem to have four drivers on your policy including yourself? Let's see, your wife drives the Hummer H2? No problem. Does your 17 year old son still drive the 2004 BMW? Oh, you got him the new 2005 BMW? Ok, I'll put that in right now. And what about your 16 year old son? Does he still drive the 2004 Mercedes Benz? Ah, I see you gave him the 2005 BMW. Ok, that's fine. And do you still drive that 2005 Lexus? No? What do you drive now? Oh, you drive a Porsche now? Ok. Gotcha. Yes, yes, those kids do grow up quickly.

Next is driver information. Has anyone in your family had any car accidents in the last three years? I see. That is why you replaced the Lexus? Ok, so that'll be two at-fault injury accidents for you. And what about your sons? two speeding tickets on the older one and one speeding ticket for the younger one? I see. Ok. Finally, your wife? Nothing? Really? Are you sure? No, sir, I'm not trying to imply anything. Ok, moving on. What? Oh, you forgot to mention the DUI? You think it is already cleared? Well, just in case I'll just put that one in.

Alright, last step of the process: coverages. What kind of coverage do you want? The highest? Are you sure? No, sir, I'm not implying that you are too poor to pay for the higher coverage. Ok, I'll put liability at 100K/300K/50K. Alright, I think that about rounds it out.

Annually, your insurance is going to be about fourteen thousand dollars. What? No, sir, I'm not joking. Last year? The annual premium was about six thousand a year. Yes, well, let me explain it to you. Your entire family is driving some pretty expensive cars. You and your sons have violations up an--actually, that's more than double your premium from last year. No, sir, I am not trying to steal your money. No, I did not fix the cost. I only put your numbers in and the machine outpu--no, sir, I am not trying to steal your money. Sir, please calm down. Sir, I am going to tell you again, I do not have the physical ability to steal your money. That is why this is a quote. Sir, you do not have to buy insurance from us. If you're going to be rude to me, you can go else where. I am sorry, there really isn't anything else left that I can do for you. No, once again, I am not trying to steal your money. In fact, this premium doesn't even include our broker fee.

I have been working here for the past 7 years. Well, you are welcome to come down and talk to my manager if you want. Sir, please, I am not trying to steal your money. Goodbye sir. I do not think threatening my well-being will help you get a lower rate. Yes, I will be in tomorrow. You are coming in tomorrow to find me? Sure, I will see you tomorrow. Good-bye. No, I will not give you my address, you twit. Good-bye.

Mmm...Blue Cheese

I love it on burgers, but I hate it on salads.

The LA Times has a great article about new American variations of blue cheese. If you don't like this article, you're against America.

Simultaneously creamy, crumbly, sweet and salty, these new blues are anything but an acquired taste. They're sophisticated and nuanced but still accessible. You can eat them on a cracker or showcase them in recipes, and always you get unique flavor, mellow but sharp, with all the hallmarks of a superb Burgundy. They even seem to induce wine-speak, with aficionados finding hints of berries and caramel and hazelnuts in a single buttery bite.

Like all the great pungent, veiny cheeses, the new Americans go with everything you want to eat right now: pecans and pears, apples and walnuts, cranberries and bitter greens, grilled beef and roast pork, even pasta and polenta. The flavor, the texture and the creaminess harmonize with nearly every other brink-of-winter ingredient, and that's before you even get out the Port.

A category of cheese essentially dominated for 64 years by Maytag Blue out of Iowa now includes variations from coast to coast: from California to New York and Massachusetts, with stopovers in Colorado and Louisiana and Vermont. Terroir is a pretentious word, but tasting these cheeses can give you a hint of how connected the Oregon grass the cows eat is to the Crater Lake blue you spread on a sliced baguette.
Click here to read the rest of the LA Times article...

Bryan got a new 17" LCD monitor

On AIM, Sunday:

david: how's that monitor going?
bryan: great man
bryan: its looking darn good
bryan: and i love all the new space i found
david: like in your pants?

Christmas vs. Holiday: Who Cares?

I read an article today saying that House Speaker Rep. Dennis Hastert (R-Ill.) is complaining about the Capitol Holiday Tree. Apparently, he wants the tree to be called a Christmas tree instead.

This reminds me of a personal incident of a similar nature. When I use to work at a local shopping mall, I once had a customer who complained that the annual Christmas party at his work was changed to a "Holiday" party. He said, "I'm calling it a Christmas party!"

Here's my question: why the fuck does it matter?

It seems like people like these (i.e. fundamentalist Christians) think tolerating and respecting other people's religions is an insult to their own. How does including Jews, Muslims, Buddhists, and other religions to a party or a symbol of the winter holidays an insult to your beliefs? It's not an insult!

I can only conclude that fundamentalist Christians are selfish un-Christian like people who think what they are doing will get them into heaven. It's all for their own selfish agenda to get into heaven. "Hey, God. I tried to protect a tree from being called a holiday tree. Can I get into heaven now?"

On a final note, Damon reminded me that the tree as a holiday symbol originated from pagans.